Have you ever

“Have you ever …?”
The ghost inside me buzzes
I don’t understand the question
Have you ever
Have you ever …
Have you ever
compared your life
to a stranger’s
detailing exactly
what yours is lacking
never wondering
what it is about your life
that is not complete
Have you ever
not completed lists
of things you’ve ever done
too much detail
too old
and who would understand
the things you’ve seen
you hide away
your other sides
your history
and your tales
too strange they appear now,
ten years later
twenty years later
Have you ever
Yes I have
and this and that
and the other thing, too
but not this, and not this, and not this either
I can’t talk
I have never
and by now
it really is too late
and I don’t think
I ever wanted
Have you ever
thought about
the things you really wanted
and what you need to do to get them
patient like a dragon on a heap of gold
not really, no, more like
a cat watching
through barely opened eyes
and resigned
for the door to the outside
to open
Have you ever
No I never
and if I wrote about it
would it really matter
most of it is so ordinary
that the exceptional seems freakish
and I’m ever scared
of revealing those parts
that do not fit the norm
mine and yours
because can you really deal
can you understand
I don’t think so
so I better be quiet
when someone asks me
“Have you ever …?”


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